Grandma was angry because her toilet broke. To...
Dad: How about that sunshine today?
Grandma: That's not gonna do me any good in my bathroom.
Dad: I don't think we were talking about your bathroom.
Grandma: But you were trying to change the subject.
Mom: That's right. You caught us. You're too good.
(half a minute of conversation later) Grandma: That's right. I'm the master of [misdirection].
The last line is in reference to several earlier...
Grandma: (looking out the window) I believe they call those snowflakes.
Mom, Dad, Victoria, Me: They do, yes, that's right.
Grandma: But you don't want to be a flake.
Me: Like a person flake?
Mom: To be flaky? No, no one wants to be flaky.
Grandma: That's right.
Mom: What about cornflakes?
Mom: Yes, you like those, right?
Grandma: I do. All I would like is a nice bowl of cornflakes and a quiet spot.
Mom: I thought you liked Cheerios, too. With sliced banana?
Grandma: I do. Haven't seen those in a while. They must have flown away, too.
The pure present is an ungraspable advance of the past devouring the future. In...– Haruki Murakami - Kafka on the shore (via nuevoprincipio)
Saving the feet of drunk girls everywhere:... →
Kim Jong Il has died →
yea, right, sure
Time flows in strange ways on Sundays, and sights become mysteriously distorted.– Haruki Murakami - 1Q84 (via murakamistuff)
Going to the liquor store I usually go to. They love Kyle there, for some reason, something to do with his having a twin. They love twins and they love Kyle and Trent. Hadn’t gone in a while. Lady behind the register says I haven’t been there in a while. Am I drinking less? I have to save money, you know. She hopes to see me and Kyle more in the future. Which means two things: one,...
New Year's Resolutions, Draft 1
1. As of 2012-1-1 suitablesubstituteforwit goes live as a cooking blog 1a. Danish cooking blog? 1b. Lazy Chinese cooking blog? 1c. drunk cooking blog? 2. tbc
alaya-vijnyaya asked: If you could have dinner with one person, living or dead, who would it be? And why? (Also, they would automatically like you) Cheesy question, but, I never do this.
Shakespeare & Co. owner dies
scribnerbooks: “I wanted a bookstore because the book business is the business of life.” -George Whitman The original “independent bookstore.”
Anonymous asked: What made you want to become a writer?
Anonymously message me (1) thing you want to know...
because I never do these things and the only messages I get are from spambots
W. W. Norton: Ex-Boyfriends →
wwnorton: They hang around, hitting on your friends or else you never hear from them again. They call when they’re drunk, or finally get sober, they’re passing through town and want dinner, they take your hand across the table, kiss you when you come back from the bathroom. They were your loves,…
Wait, but, that was me, oh nooo →
“Imagine that these books traffic in the half-baked nihilism of a stoned high school student who has just discovered Nietzsche and Nine-Inch Nails.”
Kurt Vonnegut's dark, sad, cruel side →
Next thing you’re gonna tell me is George Saunders is actually a total dick